Thursday, January 26, 2006

A walk through the valley at 4am

I have debated posting this entry for fear that it will turn out to be too vague...but I feel like I should atleast put down a few thoughts.
The Lord woke me up this morning at 4am from a terrible dream...actually, it was a normal forgettable dream, except for one small part that woke me up so certainly, that I knew I needed to wake up my husband and talk to him. After sharing my thoughts with Nate, I felt compelled to get out of bed (and for those of you who really know me...I LOVE TO sleep!!!) and spend some time praying and in the word. I am ashamed to say it has been that long since I have had any type of meaningful devotional time with the Lord. That's really hard to admit! But, this morning, I experienced the Love of God in a way that I haven't chosen to experience in a long time. For an hour an a half I just journaled my thoughts to the Lord and read His word. What a refreshing time (even at 4am!) He lead me to read I Peter, and it spoke to my heart in such a deep way. It's so neat to see how the Lord ministers to the heart of his child. This could really be a 20 page entry, but for the sake of time, I just wanted to praise God for his mercy and patience with me. He is a loving a faithful God who searched me out before I was born, and chose me to be His child - knowing full well (as is His nature) how I would fail Him.
Please pray for me if you think about it and feel free to ask me how my walk is. I can't be a godly mommy without God. I can't live independently from Him and adequately love others.

"The Fire" author unknown
I've been through a fire, that has deepened my desire
To know the living God, more and more
It hasn't been much fun, but the work that it has done
In my life has made it worth the hurt.

You see sometimes we need the hard times
To bring us to our knees
Otherwise we do as we please and never heed Him
But He always knows what's best and it's when we are distressed
That we really come to know God as He is.

3 comments:

Katie said...

Thanks so much for your transparency, Shyla. Do you know how NOT ALONE you are? I also have struggled with a fruitful and consistent devotional time (for forever!). The first few months after Luke was born, my time in the Word and prayer were sweet. But, of course as things got easier, I didn't "need" it so urgently (so I thought). But, praise God, I've recently gotten back into the Word, and I've started reading through the Bible using a plan I found online on the ESV site. I put a link on my blog. That's a start for me anyways. So, thanks for encouraging me that I'm not the only who fights this battle!

Blessings,
Katie

PS to a soon to be mommy - When Luke was a wee lad and I was nursing him, I used that time to memorize Scripture. It was the perfect time to do it! I just wrote a verse out on a blank sheet in marker and set it up on the table in front of me as I fed Luke. I had never really memorized Scripture much before. It was so helpful, because I could meditate on that Scripture while I was in bed trying to sleep. :) My favorite passage that I worked on was Psalm 139. I need to start memorizing again!

Heather said...

Shyla,

Thank you so much for your blog. It was a big encouragement to me. As Katie said, you are not alone at ALL! I found myself only a few weeks ago at about the same point you were at. It had been almost a year since I had a regular time with God. I would get into a routine, out of a routine, into a routine and then out again.
We had a speaker at the teen’s overnighter and he spoke on being blessed even more by God. I was thinking that me and Kevin were doing great, living and giving in the church, but what I never realized was, how much better it could/would be if I were in the Lords word everyday! He would bless me that much more! How great is that! I was so ashamed to stand up and find the Youth Pastor’s wife so I could pray with her…I was supposed to be there for the teens, not for myself. It turned out, that I too needed to be reminded of such a simple principal as that! So anyway, that is my little incident.
I am so proud that you are my friend and that I have so many Christian friends that find themselves where I am at too! It makes me feel normal, and I don't mean that as an excuse but as an encouragement.

You are so going to be a great mommy! I miss you and wish we were closer.

Heather

Alicia said...

Shyla,

Like Heather and Katie, I am thankful for your honest posting. Wow, I am very impressed with Katie's dedication to memorize scripture during the first weeks of Luke's life. I have to say that mommyhood did the opposite to me. During Chloe's first months I just "survived" motherhood and slept whenever I had a free moment. I'm ashamed to say when I needed Christ the most I forsook Him. In the back of my mind I knew I should read and pray but I made excuses. Now that Chloe is growing and I have a better handle on time I see what a HUGE responsiblity it is to stay in God's Word. And not just a responsibility, it's a love for God's Word that drives me back to the Bible for strength and comfort. Motherhood in itself is a picture of selflessness and patience. I am often struck by my similarities to a baby when I realize how desperately I need Him.

Here are some encouraging words from Shaun Groves:

Jesus, I am through defending, this war's never ending inside me. I've been fighting not to forfeit, trying not to trust in only You. But I can't get well, I can't get through, I can't get by if I can't get You. There's a white flag waving where my colors used to fly - You win. There's a white flag giving up and giving all of me - I give in.

Praise the Lord for friends who sharpen us as iron. Peace and grace to you today dear,
Alicia

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